IN CANADA
―Charles Duhigg, author of bestselling The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better
"Amy Alkon is a virtuoso at making science accessible and fun. In this fast-paced, deeply authentic "science-help" book, Alkon weaves her own dramatic transformation with the latest science to show you how to live the life you truly want to live. It's time to stop pitying yourself, devaluing yourself, hiding yourself, and all the other things we do to ourselves to avoid being our full selves. You can be comfortable in your own skin RIGHT NOW. This book will show you how."
―Scott Barry Kaufman, Professor of Positive Psychology, University of Pennsylvania, author of Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined and Wired To Create
Have you spent your life shrinking from opportunities you were dying to seize but feel "that's just who I am"? Well, screw that! You actually can change, and it doesn't take exceptional intelligence or a therapist who's looking forward to finally buying Aruba after decades of listening to you yammer on.
Transforming yourself takes revolutionary science-help from Amy Alkon, who has spent the past 20 years translating cutting-edge behavioral science into highly practical advice in her award-winning syndicated column. In Unf*ckology, Alkon pulls together findings from neuroscience, behavioral science, evolutionary psychology, and clinical psychology. She explains everything in language you won't need a psych prof on speed-dial to understand―and with the biting dark humor that made Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck such a great read. She debunks widely-accepted but scientifically unsupported notions about self-esteem, shame, willpower, and more and demonstrates that:
- Thinking your way into changing (as so many therapists and self-help books advise) is the most inefficient way to go about it.
- The mind is bigger than the brain, meaning that your body and your behavior are your gym for turning yourself into the new, confident you.
- Fear is not just the problem; it's also the solution.
- By targeting your fears with behavior, you make changes in your brain that reshape your habitual ways of behaving and the emotions that go with them.
Follow Amy Alkon's groundbreaking advice in Unf*ckology, and eventually, you'll no longer need to act like the new you; you'll become the new you. And how totally f*cking cool is that?
From Skeptic.com Science Salon podcast:
In this unique conversation, Michael Shermer talks with the science writer and weekly advice columnist Amy Alkon about her new book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." She calls her book a "science-help" book instead of "self-help" because she grounds her recommendations in solid science. Her hilarious anecdotes are there just to illustrate a scientific point
IN CANADA
"Alkon not only tells readers what good manners are but also provides useful suggestions for politely calling offenders' attention to their rudeness. And she does this in a ferociously funny style--it's worth a read for the laughs alone. There is nothing here of the proper arrangement of table setting, nor of how to address a letter to the Archbishop of Canterbury; rather Alkon deals with modern problems in interpersonal relationships, such as how civilized people should act when standing in lines, on airplanes, online, and elsewhere. In addition, she officers very dependable, sensible, caring advice to those whose friends or family are coping with terminal illness. VERDICT: Solid psychology and a wealth of helpful knowledge and rapier wit fill these pages. Highly recommended."
―Library Journal (starred review)
"This book is a gem. Hysterically funny and grounded in science, Amy Alkon explains why so many people are rude and how it's possible to be courteous, even if you're foul-mouthed and clueless about etiquette."
―Dr. Adam Grant, Wharton School professor and New York Times-bestselling author of Give and Take
"Miss Manners with Fangs."
―LA Weekly
To lead us out of the miasma of modern mannerlessness, science-based and bitingly funny syndicated advice columnist Amy Alkon rips the doily off the manners genre and gives us a new set of rules for our twenty-first century lives.
With wit, style, and a dash of snark, Alkon explains that we now live in societies too big for our brains, lacking the constraints on bad behavior that we had in the small bands we evolved in. Alkon shows us how we can reimpose those constraints, how we can avoid being one of the rude, and how to stand up to those who are.
Foregoing prissy advice on which utensil to use, Alkon answers the twenty-first century's most burning questions about manners, including:
* Why do many people, especially those under forty, now find spontaneous phone calls rude?
* What can you tape to your mailbox to stop dog walkers from letting their pooch violate your lawn?
* How do you shut up the guy in the pharmacy line with his cellphone on speaker?
* What small gift to your new neighbors might make them think twice about playing Metallica at 3 a.m.?
Combining science with more than a touch of humor, Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck is destined to give good old Emily a shove off the etiquette shelf (if that's not too rude to say).
IN CANADA
IN U.K.
Meangirlology: How to protect yourself from sneak attacks and social ruin
Rumors. Veiled put-downs. Back-handed compliments. Sneaky attacks that are hard to pinpoint as attacks.
Why do women do this to each other?
If you're looking for someone or something to blame, look no further. The culprit is our own DNA. We might be living in a modern world, but we are still driven by ancestral-era psychology, so these tactics remain with us today.
In this curated collection of science-based columns from award-winning writer Amy Alkon, you'll take a deep dive into the inner workings of female friendship, the methods women use to fight dirty, and the murky nature of the "frenemy." What comes across as cattiness is actually evolutionary psychology at work. What appears to be an insult is mate competition in disguise.
In Meangirlology, Alkon expertly guides you through the findings of renowned psychologists such as Anne Campbell, Joyce Benenson, Jaimie Arona Krems, and Tania Reynolds to help prepare you for the sneak attacks you don't see coming from "the gentler sex."
By being aware of the evolved motivation for women to compete this way, we can spot the frenemies in our midst, deter attacks on ourselves, and be better friends to other women--and have more meaningful, satisfying female friendships.
Foreword to Meangirlology: Jaimie Arona Krems, Ph.D.
Reputation-assassinating gossip, social exclusion, dirty looks. We all know these are weapons used by women against other women, and we've all had them used against us, but we typically don't say this out loud. They take up only the negative space in conversation.
In polite female society, we say that a certain woman is "so nice," but we do not say the next part of that: "unlike that nasty C U Next Tuesday." Or we say that woman we work with is "so supportive of other women," but we do not say, "unlike that Queen Bee in the company who cannot stop talking behind everyone's backs."
Amy Alkon is thankfully unconcerned with polite society. Because those C U Next Tuesdays and Queen Bees exist, because their aggression hurts, and because we need to talk about it.
For over two decades, Amy has been immersed in the world of evolutionary social science. She regularly talks shop with researchers in psychology, anthropology, biology, economics, and primatology to understand how recurrent selection pressures have perhaps indelibly shaped the ways that women aggress. Full disclosure, I am one of these researchers. Along with a slew of other scientists--mostly women, all so much nicer than you probably think we are--I have spent much of my career asking questions about the costs, benefits, and biological underpinnings of female competition.
What we have learned could fill fifteen books, but you do not want to read those (unless you would like to toil toward a Ph.D., after which you will get paid abysmally while you work around the clock in a city that you hate because academics cannot pick where we live). If you want to know what we know about female competition, read this book instead. Because Amy has already read all the other books--and dug through the published articles, seen the data, and attended the conference talks. Her science-based responses to readers who have felt the sting of female aggression not only tell us how malicious rumors or backhanded compliments are meant to function, but they also tell us how to fight back against these ubiquitous slings and arrows. This makes Amy's book part "crying on your nerdy friend's shoulder" and part "combat guide for modern (women's) warfare."
Today, there remain a lot of question marks surrounding female competition and aggression--such as if it is especially well-designed to hurt other women and when it leads to lethal violence. But if we know nothing else for certain, we know that it is effective. It hurts. Terribly. Some of us know this from digesting the decades of research indicating that its victims can face depression, suicidal thinking, or even hormonal dysregulation that disrupts their ability to conceive. Some of us know that from personal experience (like because our pathetic, unlovable former best friends were not smart enough to delete the two-hour IM conversation they had about how much they secretly hated us while borrowing our computer).**
But regardless of our sex, gender, sexual preference, age, race, or culture, we have all been burned by female aggression. And we need to talk about it: ideally to a redheaded extreme nerd named Amy Alkon--holding a tiny Chinese Crested dog and dashing somewhere in a sequined evening gown and cowboy boots--who also knows all about female competition from both the research and experience. Here, in this vital book, Amy Alkon marshals the cutting-edge science of female competition (and friendship) to explain why women's aggression takes the shapes it does, why it can be so terrifyingly effective, and how to escape its most pernicious impacts.
Jaimie Arona Krems, Ph.D.
Evolutionary Social Psychologist
IN CANADA
"Applied evolutionary psychology at its best. The funniest book I've read since Dave Barry's Big Trouble...also endorsed by Elmore Leonard."
―Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, London School of Economics
"Seriously great book. Alkon is smart and savvy and funny as hell. Where Hannibal the Cannibal only ate the rude, Alkon stands up to them with the sort of glorious panache that sometimes makes you want to stand and cheer."
―David Middleton from January Magazine
This crazy redhead is on to something. Her pink Rambler story alone is worth the price of the book."
― Elmore Leonard
"Amy Alkon is intellectually promiscuous--and funny as hell."
―Paleopsychologist Howard Bloom, author of The Lucifer Principle
It doesn't have to be that way, says award-winning syndicated columnist Amy Alkon. Her hilarious stories of in-your-face encounters with rude people and businesses will inspire you to stand up to the boors in your own world.
Alkon not only gives the offenders a taste of their own medicine, she delves into anthropology, pscyhology, and behavioral science to figure out why we're rude and how we can stop all the intruding, shoving, and shouting. She ensures that all these rude people get their comeuppance:
Internet bullies
Rude drivers
Negligent businesses
Telemarketing executives
Car thieves
Parking space hogs
That loud jerk in the drugstore line
In this funny, ferocious and freewheeling expose, Alkon gives you the tools you need to confront these abusers and restore common courtesy, respect and good manners to society...one chastened cellphone shouter at a time.